Birthday

Some days ago it was my birthday.
We had a party, there was cake, there was wine and champagne. Somebody got tipsy, that just helps to the spirit of the party.
I felt alone, everybody was there for me, all my mates, all my friends. They were happy and smiling, I was smiling too, but I was so alone. I sometimes have this feeling, that even if I'm surrounded with people that love me, care about me, even when I'm with C., nobody can get me, nobody can understand me.
I used to think that I needed a boyfriend, but it's not true. I have to find out who I am first, in order not to hurt some other's feelings. This is just what happened to alex, my ex boyfriend. I just broke his heart.
But somehow the worse is that he's past the period in which we was crying for me. He's got a new girlfriend, Elle, and he's happy now, he deserves it.
When I had to blow on the candels all these things passend in my mind, but I wished I could be happy againg, happy forever.
Then R. came and hugged me, with no reason. He made me feel fine, even after all that happened between us.

Crush down

I just broke down. My chemistry teacher tested me today, I was about to burst into tears. I just felt all the pressure of everybody looking at me, and all I could think about was my grandpa, the person how probably loves me the most.
I'm visiting him saturday. I don't care of what I'm studing, it's boring me. Why should I even study, to keep up with all the expectations about be? Do they really expect a Bible?
i want to sleep now, but I can't because I have to study phisics, another subject that I hate. Why should I be interested in how the Earth works? It's wouldn't stop to go round, people wouldn't stop to die.

Grandpa

I really feel very down, and guilty. My grandpa is in hospital now and as far as I know he's fighting for his life. My parent don't think I should go to visit him so I haven't seen him for more than a couple of weeks now.
In the meantime here I am, partying, laughing doing everything as much irresponsibly as I can.
He's always been so close to me, like another father. He helped me when I had problems, he wiped my tears away, he played with me when I was a kid. Only now I understand how much this mean to someone.
If he only knew what I am doing with my life, he wouldn't be proud of me at all. I'm not talking about school, I do well there, it's all the rest.
I overheard a conversation between my parent yesterday evening, he's so sick.
I will go to visit him, I promise that I will change, it might be the last thing i do, I promise you grandpa.

Spirits in the dark

 Ever felt that we could live in a song? I do, all  the time. On saturday I went clubbing with C., we got drunk. I know I shouldn't be drinking this much when I'm out because I start losing control on things, and that's exactly what happened the other day. I felt I was living in "Last day of magic" of the Kills. The club was very smoky and quite wrecked as I can remember. We were ripping it up and at one point some boys came around and we started to dance. He was tall, dark haired (I can't really remeber his eyes colour), we were dancing and then he kissed me. That's what I call to lose control over myself. I didn't even know his name and he didn't ask mine.
Thinking about it, there are too many boys I've been with that I don't know. Maybe this is why I can't handle with relationships in "real" life, because I'm not interested in many things, even names.
I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache, a blur in my mind about what exactly happened the day before and the feeling that I lost something. I lost another piece of me, I gave it away to an unknown "spirit in the dark". Is it right? Every time I think that I can control myself, that one night stories aren't for me. Every time I return home with none but headache and another spirit in the dark in my mind. Every time I feel a loser. Every time I throw up, I think that I need someone (not always C.) to collect my hair up, someone who cares, even only about my name.

R. or narcisism

R. thinks I love him. He's got some kind of twisted image of himself, because he thinks he's gorgeous and that many girls like him. We were close friends last year, I was helping him to woo my best friend C. He didn't succed, but we were very close at the time. He would phone every day. Then M. told me that he really thought that I loved him but I wouldn't tell him because of the situation.
Now I guess that if I loved him I wouldn't have helped him to go out with my friend, would I?
Boy's mind is a bit too complicated for me, the problem is that I'm still single. If I weren't I would have showed him that he's not really a matter for me. Well, I really don't know how to solve the problem, probably I won't solve it at all...

Chemistry teacher

I guess that he's some kind of pervert. Or is just my effect on older men. The other day he called me "angel" and lately I have the feeling that he's staring too much at me. He always looked a bit too much at us girls, but now I really feel like a Macburger, guess who's the hungry costumer....

P.E.

A way that always "helped" us girls to compare each other and feel like shit when we see the model-structured body of our classmates is P.E.
When I was younger I used to watch the other girls and think that I was too thin (yeah really!) or that they had bigger breasts than mine.
Now I'm happy that I'm thin, and actually other girls are envious of my bone structure, but the breast problem still remains. Well it reamined until today. I saw another girl with really big boobs but they were surrounded with what at first sight looked like a chastity belt or something like that and at second sight it looked like an istrument of torture. Actually it was her bra. The problem with big boobs is evidently the fact that when you run or play volleyball the just keep bouncing around, and I see that they can become quite annoing.
So I guess that I  have to be happy with my sport-sized boobs.

Me

Obviously I'm not Lyla.This is the title of a song which is the soundtrack of my life.
NI'm not a genius, nor a make-up artist, nor a shopping maniac or a nail-artist. It's me , and my life. Probably another teenage blog.
if you want to know something about me go and listen to the song, it's Lyla by Oasis.